The Sword in the Stone

The Sword in the Stone…Anguilla version.  I cannot get the cork out of the wine bottle.  Every day I come home and think, “This is the day- I shall prevail at pulling out this Caribbean-heat-bloated-humidity-constipated-cork.

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My un-success rate is approaching Noah’s Ark Flood Period.  If the bottle opens on the last day of exams…it’s a sign from God.

My roommate and I go to the beach to study, and on our drive home, we met Eeyore.

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Behold…Anguilla Tour-Guide Barbie and the second white-ass on the island.  Roommate’s quote when we got home, “Lydia, we could make a steak on you!”

Professor G’s Finale: “Brain Sex…well, I think everybody has that….however, since we are in genetics class, I think they’re referring to sexual orientation.”

Mint Sucking Microphone: He puts a mint in his mouth while giving a lecture, “blah, blah, blah, (sucking mint sound “SSlllluuuuurrrpppp!”)….blah, blah, blah,…(large inhale “hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” plus a pool-of-spit “ssssssssssss” plus “Chomp chomp…ccccrrrkkk chomp chomp”)…blah, blah (suck and slurp)…blah blah….. “What are you looking at? I’m having my mint.”…Really…we thought it was the Horse tied out-back next to the food truck…our mistake.

Disorders of Sexual Development “Well, I have lots of hair…let’s see what’s next, present male external genitalia…(he looks down)…yep!…Chromosome number 46 XX SRY+ is really a male…”   The fact that the professor had to look down between his legs is what killed us.  That page in my notes has tear drops on it, so much that I can no longer read what’s on the page.

After exams, Alyssa and I went to Artisan’s.  At Artisan’s your pizza cooks in 90 seconds in a 900 degree oven.  Then we went to the beach where yachts were lit in the distance.

Biochemistry: As I was using White-Out on my G-protein coupled receptor notes…I was thinking, I need white-out for life.  Looking at the good looking man and walking into a door frame– big, big, streak of white-out.  Giving that annoying man my phone number, White-Out.  Asking my sister to play her oboe for me without practicing- White-Out.  Seeing the man in the Trench Coat open his trench coat, big, big, big, big, big streak of White-Out.

One morning, there was ‘BS’ all over lecture slides.  I would read, “BS levels are abnormal…”  And I’m thinking why does he have Bull Sh** all over these slides?  Oooohhhhh…BS = Blood Sugar…right.  I’m sure if someone read my grocery list with “BS” on there they’d think Bolognese Sauce instead of Bull Sh**.  Just like if they read TP, they’d think Taco Platter instead of Toilet Paper, or PB to mean Parsley Bits instead of Peanut Butter.  (I suppose I could’ve read the title of the slide “Insulin and Diabetes Mellitus”…but instead my brain goes straight to Bull Sh**)

Baby Goats!

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In our Neuroscience clinical exam class, beautiful Tiffany W. was continuously stabbing the back of my throat with a tongue depressor in front of the class trying to elicit a Gag Reflex.  As she kept stabbing the back of my throat, it became pretty clear that Lydia’s gag reflex = absent = abnormal.  Then she had to do more neurological tests to see if my CN X was damaged.  I told her not to run an MRI of my head because it would just come up empty- a space occupying lesion caused by constant Air Head.

However!  Running the neighbor’s puppy one morning…the puppy chewed-on a 12″ LizardLydia’s Gag Reflex = Present…Very Present.  New medical chart documentation, “When stabbed continuously in the back of the throat, Medulla Gag Reflex = absent…when watching the Neighbor’s Puppy Chew a Lizard like Bubble Gum, Medulla Gag Reflex = 3+ (hyperactively present).  (No picture needed for this portion.)

This was my last blog of the semester.  Thank you for reading!

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