Cabana Boy Applications

My roommate and her boyfriend were battling a lizard.  I miss Minnesota because in the cold northland, you see a black bear using your trash-can as a buffet; whereas, here in Anguilla you battle lizards in the kitchen 10 feet away from the bedroom…NOT Okay!  I just hate slithery reptiles in the bedroom.

 

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New Record: I got dumped for juice!  My 3-year-old neighbor girl invited herself over for dinner, her mom offered her juice and she left me quicker that a sports car goes 0 to 60 mph.  Through the eyes of a child…I’m worthless without juice.

This week was special for us.  We got a holiday off!  Pictured here is my friend Samantha and I; we also went to the Wednesday night Bankie Banx concert.

Soccer! 3 times in one week!  Our day-off came with a beach pick-up game, and afterwards I was sentenced to the trunk because I was dirty.  Riding in there made me feel like part of a drug deal, especially when traffic stopped and men were fighting outside because of an accident.  Where is Liam Neeson?  Liam, I’ve been Taken!

My parents always said the couch was for sitting- not a soccer goal, not a hurdle, not an apparatus to torture your sister and not an obstacle course.  Well, the best couch in Anguilla is out here on the edge of the cliff where the movie Pirates of the Caribbean was filmed.

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My new jive is to wear black leather pants and a wool sweater in the Caribbean since the air conditioned rooms are a bit chilly!  I happened to be wearing all black and a professor asked me, “What is your outfit? Are you wearing a Star-Trek suit.”  My response…look down at shirt…look-up…look down at pants…look-up…(while I’m thinking to myself,  “Do I look like I just walked-off the set of The Big Bang Theory?  Where is Sheldon?”)…mumble “Aaaaaahhhhhhhh…do I really?  I guess I should stop dressing in the dark (with a low-firing Reticular Activating System (RAS) causing an obtunded state of consciousness).”  Maybe I’d look normal in my red leather pants.

Now for the cream of this blog post: Cabana Boy Applications.  Since Medical School is quite stressful, I’m looking for a Cabana Boy.   If you’re interested please fill-out the Application below at your convenience; we’ll set-up an interview time, and I run a mandatory 3-day trial period for all interviewees.

Surname (if it has more than 3 syllables stop here; if you’re named Daniel Craig/James Bond skip to the bottom):

Lifting Capability (woman’s body weight preferred):

Comedic Capability (one-liners preferred):

Cleaning Capability (dirty duster or sexy sweeper):

Cooking Capability (preferably hot):

Experience in Ambiance (can you work a flame?):

Bathing Assistance Capability (soap + loofah = ?):

Masseuse Experience (Swedish meatballs are preferred):

On a scale of 1-10, how great of a dinner date are you? (be specific if you chew with mouth open or closed)

How handy are you with tools? (be very specific)

Can you remove lizards and spiders from the house along with catching a chicken? (if not, stop here)

What music do you play to fill the house?

How much do you love to dance?

What’s your desired hourly-wage in boob payments?

Please send your applications to: I_Canna_Cabana_You_Daily@hotmail.com

(In honor of my parents…they raised me right, I just turned out this way because I’m an on-going de novo mutation with an evolving clinical phenotype.)

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