The Sword in the Stone…Anguilla version. I cannot get the cork out of the wine bottle. Every day I come home and think, “This is the day- I shall prevail at pulling out this Caribbean-heat-bloated-humidity-constipated-cork.
My un-success rate is approaching Noah’s Ark Flood Period. If the bottle opens on the last day of exams…it’s a sign from God.
My roommate and I go to the beach to study, and on our drive home, we met Eeyore.
Behold…Anguilla Tour-Guide Barbie and the second white-ass on the island. Roommate’s quote when we got home, “Lydia, we could make a steak on you!”
Professor G’s Finale: “Brain Sex…well, I think everybody has that….however, since we are in genetics class, I think they’re referring to sexual orientation.”
Mint Sucking Microphone: He puts a mint in his mouth while giving a lecture, “blah, blah, blah, (sucking mint sound “SSlllluuuuurrrpppp!”)….blah, blah, blah,…(large inhale “hhhhhhhhhhhhhhh” plus a pool-of-spit “ssssssssssss” plus “Chomp chomp…ccccrrrkkk chomp chomp”)…blah, blah (suck and slurp)…blah blah….. “What are you looking at? I’m having my mint.”…Really…we thought it was the Horse tied out-back next to the food truck…our mistake.
Disorders of Sexual Development “Well, I have lots of hair…let’s see what’s next, present male external genitalia…(he looks down)…yep!…Chromosome number 46 XX SRY+ is really a male…” The fact that the professor had to look down between his legs is what killed us. That page in my notes has tear drops on it, so much that I can no longer read what’s on the page.
After exams, Alyssa and I went to Artisan’s. At Artisan’s your pizza cooks in 90 seconds in a 900 degree oven. Then we went to the beach where yachts were lit in the distance.
Biochemistry: As I was using White-Out on my G-protein coupled receptor notes…I was thinking, I need white-out for life. Looking at the good looking man and walking into a door frame– big, big, streak of white-out. Giving that annoying man my phone number, White-Out. Asking my sister to play her oboe for me without practicing- White-Out. Seeing the man in the Trench Coat open his trench coat, big, big, big, big, big streak of White-Out.
One morning, there was ‘BS’ all over lecture slides. I would read, “BS levels are abnormal…” And I’m thinking why does he have Bull Sh** all over these slides? Oooohhhhh…BS = Blood Sugar…right. I’m sure if someone read my grocery list with “BS” on there they’d think Bolognese Sauce instead of Bull Sh**. Just like if they read TP, they’d think Taco Platter instead of Toilet Paper, or PB to mean Parsley Bits instead of Peanut Butter. (I suppose I could’ve read the title of the slide “Insulin and Diabetes Mellitus”…but instead my brain goes straight to Bull Sh**)
In our Neuroscience clinical exam class, beautiful Tiffany W. was continuously stabbing the back of my throat with a tongue depressor in front of the class trying to elicit a Gag Reflex. As she kept stabbing the back of my throat, it became pretty clear that Lydia’s gag reflex = absent = abnormal. Then she had to do more neurological tests to see if my CN X was damaged. I told her not to run an MRI of my head because it would just come up empty- a space occupying lesion caused by constant Air Head.
However! Running the neighbor’s puppy one morning…the puppy chewed-on a 12″ Lizard…Lydia’s Gag Reflex = Present…Very Present. New medical chart documentation, “When stabbed continuously in the back of the throat, Medulla Gag Reflex = absent…when watching the Neighbor’s Puppy Chew a Lizard like Bubble Gum, Medulla Gag Reflex = 3+ (hyperactively present). (No picture needed for this portion.)
This was my last blog of the semester. Thank you for reading!